THE TRUE STORY OF THE SMILEYS

So me n my Schnukum cherry pie (name withheld cuz of all those cherry pie snatchers out there) were having the weirdest conversation yesterday, he basically inspired todays blog post… So enough man-gushing and more blog writing.
Today’s blog post is gonna give you an insight into the world of your bbm smileys and why they are the way they are.. Why is ‘angry’ smiley so angry? Why is sad smiley so sad? And why is kissing smiley always pouting?… I got down with my crew at Smiley central and they gave me the dirty lowdown on each and every one of them… You think you’ve got drama? Wait until you hear their stories!

 The Eyelashes smiley ( ;;) ) and Kiss ( :* ) smiley are sisters and the hottest chics in Smiley High, plus they are also Jezebels and sluts in training and flirt with everyone.

 Lovestruck smiley :x is the true player and gives the girls the true ‘I can’t live without you format’.(Hehehe badt guy)…

Not Interested Smiley is the stuck up rich kid but still part of the cool kids…

Angry smiley is kiss smiley and eyelashes smileys’ Father!!! …. That’s why he’s so angry, cuz of their Jezebel ways (poor dude.. He’ll soon bust a vein or an artery)..

On the phone smiley is the School hustler, the ‘come-to’ guy… Money on his mind mehn.. No time for… (phone rings)

Embarrassed smiley is tripping for Cool smiley bad bad… Meanwhile

Cool smiley has done all the girls cuz he’s the richest kid in school and he’s the one that made..

Sad smiley’s so sad cuz sad smiley was dating and in love with one of the Jezebels (poor sucker) when cool smiley now snatched her from him

Tongue out smiley is Not Interested’s annoying junior brother everybody wants to strangle but they just love him too much cuz he’s so cute! (Aaaaw!)

Okay, last picture alert...
Wink smiley is a perverted flirt and thinks that his wink is so sexy *yawn*
Angel smiley is the leader of MFM.. Smiley High Chapter… (She hasn’t yet met Devil smiley sha… I fear to think of what shall happen *shudders*)
The Big Smile smiley and Laughing smiley are the school clowns.. Need jokes? They got it
The ROTFL smiley is a descendant of humpty dumpty.. That’s why he can’t laugh upright.. He’s ‘half-egg’
Nerd smiley .. Straight A student, just does the cool kids assignments and is secretly in love with embarrassed smiley… Poor kid’s never getting laid
Sarcastic Smiley and Rolling Eyes smiley are best friends.. No one ever messes with them because of their bad mouth
Hug smiley is the mother of all
Raised eyebrow is always suspicious of wink smiley.. Can’t blame the guy though.. That Wink is just a perv
Straight face ( ) attends Angel’s church… He’s the Assistant Prayer Warrior ( I can’t blame the Devil smiley for avoiding them)
Confused smiley still can’t figure out why every girl likes cool smiley… When Not interested smiley is so much cuter!
Surprised smiley is the Tatafo of the century and can do amebo for the whole of Africa… She’ll be forming ‘surprised’ every time, that’s why her mouth can’t close
Crying smiley lost a tooth and is gonna be kicked out of the cool kid’s club.. She can’t imagine her life without being a cool kid (a more shallow being, I have never met)
Whew smiley is the imp. He’s ALWAYS causing trouble and barely escaping by a Hair’s breadth
Party Smiley is the social prefect… A true party animal. The guy can party across continents and fly everybody there. He’s the reason why the fat kid (dancing smiley) is always dancing.. That one is a follow follow that just does whatever Party smiley says
Heart smiley is Heartbroken Smiley before that snub Talk To The Hand smiley did shakara for him.. That talk to the hand smiley is going to grow old with cats
The Thinking smiley (popularly called Sir-Think-a-Lot and more popularly known as I.T.K) believes he’s too good for Smiley High and should really be in a comic book.. Enclosing real thoughts of great Super-Heroes
Can’t watch smiley keeps covering her face cuz that perv Wink smiley whipped out his ‘Ding-a-Ling-Ling’ and she’s been traumatized ever since ( now can you blame Raised Eyebrow for suspecting him?)
Call me smiley thinks he’s THE player that gets ass on the steady but really, all he gets on d steady are hot slaps (Johnny Bravo style)
Huh? Smiley (he calls himself huh with a questionmark) sha.. Surprised smiley gisted him about all d jezebel-cool-sad smiley drama and he can’t get over it ( the guy too dey carry last)
Lips sealed smiley took a vow of silence *yimu*
Yawn smiley is just the Laziest student ever…
His Ipod is always on Bruno Mars’ ‘The Lazy Song’
Sick smiley has too many allergies and bodily function problems going on with him
And this is what goes on at Smiley High, BBM town… I forgot to tell you, Smiley High, BBM and Smiley High Yahoo Messenger (YM for short) are beefing…. YM thinks they are the originals cuz they were there first and have more students so they don’t understand what the whole noise about Smiley High BBM is about….
So this is another crazy post from the parallel world of my random mind!!
Feel free to drop your comments and come up with your own smiley plots

COCA-COLA CONSPIRACY

Coca-cola. Is there anybody in this Nigeria, or the world infact that can actually say he/she has never taken a coke,fanta, or sprite in his life? (New born babies are excluded from this question). Every household you go to.. The ‘entertainment’ of choice is a bottle of coke (by coke I mean coke, fanta, sprite and all products under the umbrella of d coca-cola company.. We all know I’m a lazy typer abeg) accompanied by some benign snack or if ure lucky, a home-cooked meal. Its one of d cheapest, most sensible drinks u can get for under 100 naira or 75cents(in a bottle) and its pretty filling.

That said and done.. You don’t think its a little fishy that no event can take place without a Coke bottle in sight?… Not even something as inconsequential as having a guest over, or even your friends over… U guys chill with a bottle of coke.
Coke is on its way to world-domination(if they aren’t there already) what Adolf Hitler and Napoleon tried to get with war and bloodshed,With a portfolio of more than 3,500 beverages, from diet and regular sparkling beverages to still beverages such as 100 percent fruit juices and fruit drinks, waters, sports and energy drinks, teas and coffees, and milk-and soy-based beverages, their variety spans the globe. Coke is well on its way to achieving global domination.
You don’t believe me? Here’s some food for thought:


1. When you go to the club.. U take vodka+coke.. Or any other alcholic beverage with coke

2. When you go for a wedding, naming, burial.. The very first thing that is served, is Coke.
3. Even their ‘mottos or slogans’ or whatever.. Veer towards domination.
Sprite – “OBEY your thirst” …
Coke – “ALWAYS Coca-cola” ..
Fanta – “Share the FUN” (this is a subliminal message that means without fanta, it isn’t as much fun).

4. Let’s not forget no matter how stylishly they increase their prices… Nobody complains.. They just go “ehen? Coke is now 60naira? Imagine! Okay give me 2bottles”…

5. They have distinctly shaped bottles that they wanted to be recognized even in the dark.

6. During most fights, its coke bottles that are mostly used for the stabbings

7. Old school ‘security fencing’ involved using shards of broken coke bottles to line your fence so intruders don’t find a spot to place their hands. ( See how they have veered from the business of thirst to security now?)

8. When u want to buy bottled water, the first thing that comes to your mind is EVA water.

I believe coke can wipe out the world if they so choose.. Japan and Iraq are there building nuclear weapons of mass destruction.. Wasting their time.. All Coca-cola has to do is stylishly increase their “coca” (cocaine) in their drinks.. Get people more addicted than they already are.. And then in one batch.. Put in a lethal poison.. And Voila! The 6billion people on the planet have been reduced to 1million… Ok 5million..

With these few points of mine, I hope I have been able to make you see that Coca-cola … Has an ulterior motive for the world and very soon bad people’ll use them for their nefarious means.

Doesn’t mean I won’t drink coke again sha..